The Homemaking Ministry Part 2

The Homemaking Ministry Part 2

In the last blog post we explored the qualities needed for successfully running a home. Today I thought I should let you in the four key areas that need our attention in this beautiful ministry of homemaking.

It is very easy to neglect some areas in the home since we have very hectic schedules ranging from formal jobs, raising kids, planning for meals and so on. We need to strive for balance in everything that we do. At times we even wake up and carry on with our day forgetting to even ask God for guidance in all we do!

firstly, I would like to say, “we are all capable!”. We all have the capability to do the things that are our responsibility. With deliberate planning and commitment it can be done so well. So, lets get to it! The various areas that need our attention at home.

1. Hospitality

There is so much I have to say about hospitality. In fact, it can be an entire blog post. Hospitality is not Entertaining. Hospitality is not about the spotless home but focusing on the one that walks through the door of your welcoming home.
Real hospitality is when you entirely focus on your guests and welcome someone them.  The person entering your home, if truly seeking connection, is not checking the dust bunnies in your corners, the dishes that might be stacked by the sink and the dirt on your toddler’s face & shirt. People want to be known and cared for. I tell you the truth that hospitality is fearless and freeing once you come to embrace the true meaning of hospitality.

2. Health And Safety

A clean home is a healthy and safe home. keeping your home clean will help you accomplish and maintain a healthy, safe environment for your family members. Everything has to be placed appropriately. I know it can be quite tough when you have toddlers running around the house. its quite a job! It goes beyond this though. Keeping a healthy and safe home also includes preparing healthy food for the family. This is very crucial as since eating habits will either harm your family or help them live longer.

3. Diet

This is one area that most of us find challenging. We are the ones that build the eating habits for our children so we owe it to them to practice healthy eating habits from an early age. Children can eat sweets here and there or snack on junk food, it just dos not have to be a daily thing. It is actually easy for them to follow through when they observe us doing the same. As homemakers we need to determine the kind of foods that are served in our homes as well as educate the rest of the family on healthy eating.

4. Parenting

For families that are blessed with children, parenting may prove to be more challenging than expected if the parents themselves do not agree on a common ground. Both parents have to hold the sword here. parenting is different for every household but there has to be proper communication as to how it will be done. Agree on discipline and how it will be administered. Children can be very manipulative if they sense a division among the parents so do not let them outsmart you!.

There are more areas that need your full attention in your home but i just wanted to focus on these four! It takes continuous learning and hard work for us to run beautiful homes and god does enable us for it all.

P. S

Love Amede

Behind the MASK!

Behind the MASK!

One way or the other most of us are facing fear – We are afraid of being seen for who we truly are. We are Afraid of seeing ourselves for who we really are. We are Afraid of confronting our limiting beliefs, and we avoid facing fear by hiding!

Proverbs 13:7
There is one who pretends to be rich, but has nothing; Another pretends to be poor, but has great wealth.

In the quest to prevent our true inner self from being seen, we wear a symbolic or metaphorical mask over our authentic personality in the hope that we will remain hidden. Behind it there is confusion, fear and loneliness. But we hide this. We don’t want anyone to know it. We panic that our weakness and fear will be exposed.

That is why we sometimes create a mask behind which to hide. An indifferent and sophisticated facade that helps us to pretend. It serves as a shield before a knowing eye. As long as it makes us feel accepted and loved. That we are someone, that we are worthy.

Why do we put on a mask?

Fear and doubt
It is fear and doubt that creates the mask, and fear which keeps it in place. What we miss is that the mask hides our true and most beautiful self from both ourselves and from the world. It prevents us from becoming our best potential.

In order to find our authentic self we must align ourselves with the word of God and face fear by digging down to the deepest, most hidden part of ourselves, that fearful place where we dread what we think is hidden.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

When we dig deeply enough into our hidden nature we find not darkness but light and the realization that our safety lies in actually letting down the mask and being seen in being our true selves.

Are you hiding behind a mask? Would you be surprised if I told you that most people are not being who they truly are and that, in fact, we are trained or influenced by many factors from a very early age to move away from our true selves.

Growing up, we are taught by other people or the society on how to behave, how to think, what to believe and who to be. We are given direct or indirect messages that if we behave in certain ways this and that will happen. That we are not good enough. And that certain behaviors, emotions and ways of thinking are bad. Forever trying to please!

Because of this early conditioning, some people create masks so that they can belong and feel as if they fit in. They want to gain the approval and acceptance of others. Many people fall so fully into living behind their masks that they never have the opportunity to experience the richness of who they really are. Very sad!

I am certainly no exception to the rule. I grew up with so many misleading negative believes and perceptions. This influenced the courses I chose at school, the people I hanged with, the visions I had about my future, the relationships I entered into and so on. This was the role I played so that I would be accepted!

This same problem exists for so many others. I see people every day that are trapped behind a mask that they have created. Many are stuck in bad jobs or relationships and have given up hope that they can ever have the life that they truly want.

Are you worried that this may be you?

-Do you feel like you are living a lie?

-You are persuing a job or are you in a relationship that you know isn’t right for you?

-Have you dealt with depression or anxiety?

-How often do you experience pure joy?

-Do You find yourself jealous or envying others?

If you are familiar with any of these qualities, the good news is that it is YOU who can absolutely break out from behind the mask. You can erase all the false and negative perceptions you have about life and replace them with positive goals and visions. You can uncover God’s promises over your life and live a fulfilled life. Once you begin being true to you, then you will find that you will be able to create the life that you’ve longed for…intentionally!

P.S

Love Amede

How To Deal With a Narcissist

How To Deal With a Narcissist

In my previous post we explored the traits of a narcissist, today we learn on how we can deal with such people in our relationships. Living with a narcissistic person can be extremely trying. So, what can you do if you find yourself in a close relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies?

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3:1‭-‬5

The number one step is to recognise the traits either in your spouse or yourself and how you have been responding to it. Perhaps you have been responding to a narcissistic individual aggressively and without patience. Perhaps you have been unloving and withdrawing. This is unlikely to help the situation. Step back and reflect on the situation

Pride is a reason people do not feel they need a savior or forgiveness. Pride tells them they are “good” people or have a “good” heart. Pride also blinds people to their own personal responsibility and accountability for sin. Narcissism (pride) masks sin, whereas the gospel reveals the truth that leads to remorse for sin. Narcissistic traits can be dangerous because, at their worst, they will lead a person to destroy others to satisfy the lust of the flesh (2 Timothy 3:2-8).

Second, stop criticizing and start encouraging solutions. Encourage them to repent and develop a strong relationship with Christ. The further we withdraw from Christ the more we tend to develop negative habits. Labeling in this situation won’t help anything, neither will criticizing them. Instead of criticizing, isolate specific issues you wish to change and enlist your mate in working with you to change them—one at a time. Keep a positive focus, pray for them and use your strengths in solving problems.

Third, attack the problem, not the person. Learn to separate the person from the problem. When we get born again, God does not see sin in us, he sees us as perfect and sin is seperate from us. So, Choose a particular aspect of the narcissistic traits and encourage him/her to work on the problem with you. For example, if you don’t feel heard, ask them to practice listening techniques with you.

Fourth, set healthy boundaries. When the narcissist in your life tries to manipulate what you say, gently stop them and speak in a calm manner. When they attempt to twist your words, gently set a boundary. Speak up so you are both heard and so there is mutuality in your marriage. Do not get angry during discussions as this will only make the situation worse.

Fifth, develop a prayerful life together. Praying together will draw you even more closer and expose the things that feeds the negative behavior. Learn to handle everything with prayer first before you can discuss it. Let the word of God reign in your hearts so as you can easily meditate on it. This will help to deal with the problem from the root. It will restore the thought pattern of the narccisist. The word of God says “as a man thinketh so is he”

Finally, seek professional help. A little bit of narcissism in a marriage can be toxic and emotionally draining. The narcissistic individual is likely to be overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor slights and becoming overly aggressive in response to these slights. Professionals can help you build a safe relationship where issues can be managed and resolved.

Try all these suggested tips and reply back if you find them helpful.

Love Amede

In a relationship with a narcissist?

In a relationship with a narcissist?

Its amazing just how much abuse is in relationships these days and it almost or always goes unnoticed just because it is not physical. Yes emotional abuse is very real and is the number one should I say weapon that people use against one another in relationships.

A lot of people have unpleasant personalities whether learnt or generically acquired. Most of this personalities go unnoticed and or not dealt with and such people go into committed relationships. Now you can only imagine the kind of relationships they will lead.

Emotional abuse can leave one very stressed, wounded and down cast. If not dealt with the victim will end up being depleted emotionally, mentally, spiritually and probably financially and then get blamed for it.

One unnoticed and unpleasant personality is NARCISSISTIC Personality Disorder. Not many people are diagnosed many are carriers if I must say. The characteristics of this personality are so obvious and one does not need a microscope to see them in their spouse or anybody they know. Before I talk about these taunting traits I must say I have seen this sickness and have even tasted it. It takes great strength and help from God to help yourself and the people you love ones you discover whether you or your spouse has the “disorder”.

A narcissist’s behavior is characterized by an exagerated feeling of self importance, an excessive need for self admiration and lack of empathy. They are loving, kind and generous until you disagree with them. You will go from being the perfect love of their lives to nothing you dois ever good enough amd you will give out your all but receive less or nothing in return.

Red flags

# They constantly put you down and leave you feeling like you cannot do anything right

# You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect -they play dumb when they are caught

# They blame you for their shortcomings. They focus on your mistakes and ignore their own

# Never admit they are wrong- They are blame shifters, one minute you talk about something they did wrong and 59 minutes they talk about all you have ever done wrong in your life.

# Subjects you to silent treatment. They wait for you to apologies even if you did not do anything wrong

# Avoids emotions and accountability

# Instills doubt and fear in you. They are the master and you the subject.

# Rages if anybody challenges them. When they cannot control you anymore they turn other people against you.

These were just a few examples. Most of which we have experienced one way or the other in our relationships.

Take a close look and check if you or your spouse has the above traits.

In my next blog post I will share on how we can deal with this personality “disorder”. God is able.

How I grieved my new born baby

How I grieved my new born baby

He would be 3 Today! I have not talked publicly about this until today! This day marks his third birthday and I am more at peace today than in the first year of his passing . Time really heals. Nonetheless, I can’t help but imagine how big he would be today and how my life would have been with him around.

March 30th 2015 I lost my precious baby boy, Jediel– the name I never got to call him. It broke my heart to think I had a healthy pregnancy and I lost him due to the carelessness of the nurses at the clinic. I was just left numb and confused. Nothing made sense to me at all. My family and friends were there for me. Church mates were there for me, they encouraged me. For the first weeks and perhaps months, everybody’s words were just bouncing off my ears.

I needed someone to blame. The nurses more than ever yes! But I felt I needed more. A part of me blamed God! The only God I had to run to for comfort. There were so many unanswered questions in my mind I was in a battlefield. I embarked on a journey to find answers in the word of God, I needed to understand what he really says about death, about children dying. I searched for articles on the Internet in order for me to understand more, to know where my baby was. I clang to this for weeks, but it left me even confused because of my approach to it.

Now, because I could not find the answers I wanted I began to withdraw myself from the only thing that could have held me together- God. Only to find comfort in the things that would eventually destroy me. I suffered from panic attacks especially on his first birthday. It was then I realised that I needed to rise. I knew what I had to do. I had to trace myself back to God. The only one who knows more than I do. I went back to His word. This time with an open mind, ready to be comforted by Him. He did not fail me! He never does!

The word of God is true, it is deep and needs understanding when one searches through it. With human understanding one can never unravel its mysteries.

God Himself is mystery. He always makes a way out! He speaks all the time, we just stop listening at times. His love and mercies endures forever!

P.S

Love Amede

ABSENT FATHERS

ABSENT FATHERS

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)
-Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

It is Gods original plan that a family must consist of a father, a mother and THEIR children. God instituted marriage and wants children to be born in a marital home. A successful home gives rise to a successful community and nation. God is all knowing, and He knew that in this framework of a mother, father and their children, there would definitely be some sort of balance. But, in this era we live in, especially in our country, we find ourselves in sad situations. Today’s generation is literally a fatherless generation. It has become the norm. As such the original framework of a family has been stripped away. It is definitely the devils number one weapon to break the family because in doing so he has managed to break the community and the nation respectively. Women raise children on their own, in fact, most children are born to teenagers who do not have the capability to raise and provide for their children. Moreover, our r women go into marriage with a child or children from previous relationships, they have evolved into playing the role of the father; something that they were not created for. Today’s children lack the bond of a father, the love of a father and the discipline of a father. No wonder our children are so adrift. They grow up to be aimless fathers too.
I must say, I salute fathers out there who have not abandoned their role. Fathers who have fulfilled and honored God’s plan for a family. Those that have soberly carried out their responsibilities as fathers. And secondly I salute the so called step fathers. Men who have taken upon their shoulders, the duty that another man failed. Men who have opened their arms to care for children who are not theirs.
Ephesians 6:4(b) but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Above and beyond providing and protecting, fathers are given a role to discipline and instruct their children. God must have instilled something in them for Him to give them this instruction. So what really then happens to all children who are single handedly raised by their mothers? Children who grow up without the first hand instruction and discipline of their fathers? Single mothers have now become the providers, the caretakers and they also have to do the disciplining. But we have to ask ourselves if it is really effective. I will also add that, there are women out there who have raise well-mannered and responsible children. They have gone to great lengths to train and raise these children well.
Personally I grew up under the care of my mother. She singles handedly raised me and my brothers the best way she could. Unfortunately, the time I decided I want to go on a search for my father he had passed away. I never got to see him, never had a relationship with him. When my mother got married I was over 17 years and I was a teen mom raising a child with her.
At that time, I was clueless how a father is to be handled, how to respect him and how to answer to him. It definitely was strange; his ways were strange. He was the intruder. I guess this is how most children who grew up without a father would feel. And in most cases, no body prepares you for it. You just have to accept it and live on. It is not supposed to be so. As a young woman I had to bring myself to the terms that I also am going to raise a child by myself and be married to a man who is not his biological father. And when I finally got married, my son must have also seen this mans ways as strange. I have seen it here and there. In this situation the discipline of the step father is rejected. There is a missing link, no instant bond. The friction may take a while but eventually things fall into place with patience, prayer and understanding the obstacles can be overcome. And for single mothers who do not end up getting married, it becomes a vicious cycle. They raise children who never get a fatherhood experience. The children also grow up to be clueless fathers. They do not have any training and cannot effectively train their own children!

The proverbs of Solomon are full of encouragement to the son; that they should not despise a fathers rebuke and instruction. Both the natural father and god; our spiritual father. The bible actually states that following the teachings of the Father will prolong our lives. So there is preservation of life for those who follow the instruction of their fathers.
Fathers were also once sons. They have learnt from their fathers and are simply to transfer that knowledge and wisdom to us as children. Proverbs 4:1-27 is one of the powerful heartfelt scriptures that demonstrates a fathers instruction to a son. Note her that son does not necessarily mean the boy child. Son here also include the girl child.

Truly something has to be done. Our Nation is raising unstable leaders. We have to retrace our steps back to God. Back to the way He wanted things to be. I thank God because he gave me a husband who fears him. A husband who was raised by a father that also fears God. Though challenges arise, one way or the other we always find a balance in God.
However, this is not the case with many people. We have surely derailed from the plan of God and He is the only one who can show us the sure way. God can help us save the upcoming generations. The cycle has to break and we have to embrace a way that does not fail. This way is the way of God. God does not fail.

P.S

Love Amede