In my previous post we explored the traits of a narcissist, today we learn on how we can deal with such people in our relationships. Living with a narcissistic person can be extremely trying. So, what can you do if you find yourself in a close relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies?
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
The number one step is to recognise the traits either in your spouse or yourself and how you have been responding to it. Perhaps you have been responding to a narcissistic individual aggressively and without patience. Perhaps you have been unloving and withdrawing. This is unlikely to help the situation. Step back and reflect on the situation
Pride is a reason people do not feel they need a savior or forgiveness. Pride tells them they are “good” people or have a “good” heart. Pride also blinds people to their own personal responsibility and accountability for sin. Narcissism (pride) masks sin, whereas the gospel reveals the truth that leads to remorse for sin. Narcissistic traits can be dangerous because, at their worst, they will lead a person to destroy others to satisfy the lust of the flesh (2 Timothy 3:2-8).
Second, stop criticizing and start encouraging solutions. Encourage them to repent and develop a strong relationship with Christ. The further we withdraw from Christ the more we tend to develop negative habits. Labeling in this situation won’t help anything, neither will criticizing them. Instead of criticizing, isolate specific issues you wish to change and enlist your mate in working with you to change them—one at a time. Keep a positive focus, pray for them and use your strengths in solving problems.
Third, attack the problem, not the person. Learn to separate the person from the problem. When we get born again, God does not see sin in us, he sees us as perfect and sin is seperate from us. So, Choose a particular aspect of the narcissistic traits and encourage him/her to work on the problem with you. For example, if you don’t feel heard, ask them to practice listening techniques with you.
Fourth, set healthy boundaries. When the narcissist in your life tries to manipulate what you say, gently stop them and speak in a calm manner. When they attempt to twist your words, gently set a boundary. Speak up so you are both heard and so there is mutuality in your marriage. Do not get angry during discussions as this will only make the situation worse.
Fifth, develop a prayerful life together. Praying together will draw you even more closer and expose the things that feeds the negative behavior. Learn to handle everything with prayer first before you can discuss it. Let the word of God reign in your hearts so as you can easily meditate on it. This will help to deal with the problem from the root. It will restore the thought pattern of the narccisist. The word of God says “as a man thinketh so is he”
Finally, seek professional help. A little bit of narcissism in a marriage can be toxic and emotionally draining. The narcissistic individual is likely to be overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor slights and becoming overly aggressive in response to these slights. Professionals can help you build a safe relationship where issues can be managed and resolved.
Try all these suggested tips and reply back if you find them helpful.
You have brought down kings and brought shame to the queen’s palace. Thrones have been shaken and kingdoms destroyed.
You have seperated the strongest bonds and severed the deepest relations. You are heartless! The mighty cannot escape from you!
For a moment you seem right, you seem true but only poison springs from your wells. You deceive the elect!
You are silent and deadly, you seperate people from their God. Even God resists the ones that entertain you. He cannot be in the same place with you! No!
Your aim is pure destruction, without mercy you scatter the works of love. I have seen your works, I have tasted the bitterness of your friendship, I quit!
Where you pass only Ashes and broken hearts remain. Your sting is stronger than that of a serpent.
What medicine must I take to sooth the pains of your touch? How must I separate myself from you?
By the Sword I will separate myself from you. By the Word that is ever true. I will hold on to humility and I will uphold my maker forever. My heart will I guard forever!
Love will take your place in my heart. It will brake that seemingly strong bond. I will die to myself, yes! and arise in Christ! Grace is sufficient!
Never again will I hold on to vanity! I quit.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
An intense preoccupation with the self is an indication of the presence of pride. When everything seems to revolve around you. “ME, MYSELF AND I”.
Pride clouds judgment. It births lies and God resists such people because they feel they do not need anyone and that anyone includes God. For those who feel that they need God in their lives there is humility where they highly esteem God and esteem others as well.
It because of pride that Lucifer lost his place in heaven. Eve also because of pride, ate the forbidden fruit and she and her husband were led away from the garden of Eden. They both fell from grace and there was a separation between them and God.
James 4:6 says that
More often we let pride creep in our relationships and our marriages. Love and pride cannot be in one place. The presence of love purely means the absence of pride.
Because of pride one can never find it easy to admit to their wrong let alone apologies. It destroys relationships.
Today, if you will humble yourself before God, He will exalt you. Choose now to humble yourself before the mighty hand of God because there is wisdom in true humility and people tend to gravitate toward humble people. So too does God.
As much as it appalling to see the pressures that society has on humanity especially the children of God, it is more flabbergasting to see just how easy it is for us to simply conform. The ability for us to defend what we believe in and who we are has plunged to the ground. It has become the norm that we please people around us more than act on the word of God and hold on to its decrees.
The word of God has everything that we would want to know. It covers every erea of our lives from finances, parenting, marriage, work, just to name a few, but more often than not we chose to follow what the masses are doing. We do a Google search more than we open the bible on that issue. We consult a friend and social media and trust their word until we fail miserably then we trace our steps back to the Word. Back to squre one.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
God undeniably knew the dangers here. He had to. He is all knowing. He knew just how being compliant to the desires of the world would be harmful for us. We cannot be in compliance with the world and with God at the same time. We can only serve one master. At any given point you conform to the desires of the world, you are at that time not connected to the word of God.
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
I have been the biggest victim here. Going places I should not be going even though I knew I might end up doing what I am not supposed to do. Buying some things that I thought I needed at the expense of my tithes just to fit in. Then the devourer would extinguish the little that I have left. This list is extensive. I am sure all of us can put down a few things that we did or are still doing that the word of God has cautioned us against. Knowing the truth is always binding because our conscience will remind us of what is right and whst is wrong . God himself said He can not tempt us with what we can not come out of.
Today is the time to go back to His word- the master plan for our lives. Draw out of it the verdicts for every are of your life. Ask Him for the strength to follow his decrees. He is a present help in times of trouble.
Beg to differ! Do not be ashamed of choosing wisdom. It is profitable to direct. Be the odd one out if means anything. Let God be true and all men liars.
He would be 3 Today! I have not talked publicly about this until today! This day marks his third birthday and I am more at peace today than in the first year of his passing . Time really heals. Nonetheless, I can’t help but imagine how big he would be today and how my life would have been with him around.
March 30th 2015 I lost my precious baby boy, Jediel– the name I never got to call him. It broke my heart to think I had a healthy pregnancy and I lost him due to the carelessness of the nurses at the clinic. I was just left numb and confused. Nothing made sense to me at all. My family and friends were there for me. Church mates were there for me, they encouraged me. For the first weeks and perhaps months, everybody’s words were just bouncing off my ears.
I needed someone to blame. The nurses more than ever yes! But I felt I needed more. A part of me blamed God! The only God I had to run to for comfort. There were so many unanswered questions in my mind I was in a battlefield. I embarked on a journey to find answers in the word of God, I needed to understand what he really says about death, about children dying. I searched for articles on the Internet in order for me to understand more, to know where my baby was. I clang to this for weeks, but it left me even confused because of my approach to it.
Now, because I could not find the answers I wanted I began to withdraw myself from the only thing that could have held me together- God. Only to find comfort in the things that would eventually destroy me. I suffered from panic attacks especially on his first birthday. It was then I realised that I needed to rise. I knew what I had to do. I had to trace myself back to God. The only one who knows more than I do. I went back to His word. This time with an open mind, ready to be comforted by Him. He did not fail me! He never does!
The word of God is true, it is deep and needs understanding when one searches through it. With human understanding one can never unravel its mysteries.
God Himself is mystery. He always makes a way out! He speaks all the time, we just stop listening at times. His love and mercies endures forever!