Cut Down On Self-Imposed Stress

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

How To Stop Putting Pressure On Yourself!

The past weekend I literally put away my phone, books and laptop and I intentionally focused on playing with my kids and listening to their endless stories. We took a few pictures and enjoyed some quality time with together. I’m telling you, on Sunday evening I was feeling so Light and relaxed than ever before.

At times, life can leave you feeling like you are carrying a very heavy load on your shoulders. Pressure can really weigh you down if left unattended.

I do not know about you, but I perform effectively when I work under less pressure. It becomes easier for me to focus on what I am doing without second-guessing or holding myself back.

Just like most of the problems in our lives, most of the pressure we feel is mostly in our minds and we can actually do a lot to relieve ourselves of the pressure before it wears us out.

***Here are a few things we can do to help ourselves get rid of pressure!

Maintain a Balance

It is crucial to find a balance between being a hard worker and having a type A personality. Hard work can lead to less stress if it translates into greater resources and a sense of accomplishment. On the other hand. while someone with a Type A personality is considered to be outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management, their personality can can be hard on your mental and physical health, as well as your relationships.

People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving “workaholics (Wikipedia). It may not be easy to change your personality, but you can work toward softening the edges and shift your focus toward being more relaxed, and that can make all the difference.

Stop Listening To People Too Much

It’s granted! Everybody’s got something to say about what you do. People you know, people you love, people you do not like and even people you’ve never met. They tell you what to do, what to think, what you do right or wrong. How to be better, live your life, and further your career.

Even though a good advice is always helpful, over-worrying about what people think and/or getting validation from them will not do you any good. If you spend too much time and energy focusing on these things you may be heading down a pretty harmful road because you will always get mixed guidance from different people and this will leave you even more confused than ever. Remember, you are the only person who knows what works well for you as well as what is best for you. So, take a step back and listen to yourself, your dreams and desires and draw everything from that point

Accept your Weakness And Everyone Else’s

Give yourself a break. Perfectionism is pretty pointless. It’s just you putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and thereby reducing your ability to do excellent work. You can also relieve stress by giving everyone else a break as well–don’t take things too personally, don’t hold onto grudges, and try to see the best in people by understanding how things may feel from their perspective. Learn to forgive yourself and others for past mistakes. To lighten up, you can try outdoor activities more often, and avoid a busy schedule.

Unrealistic Expectations

Whether these expectations come from themselves or overbearing parents, Most people experience a lot of pressure to succeed. Success looks different for everyone, but it’s not out of bounds to say many view it as being financially stable, home owning and establishing a family.

Your expectations, more than anything else, determine your reality. When it comes to achieving your goals, if you don’t believe you’ll succeed, you won’t. It Is that simple. The tricky thing about your expectations is that they impact other people too. the real truth is that nothing is ever perfect, opportunities will not just come knocking – You have to hunt for them. Many successful people started small and made mistakes along the way. Success is more of a journey than a destination and happiness should not be waited for, you need to appreciate every little moment of the climb to the top by building on your relationships and balancing work/personal life.

Social Media and Technology

It is pretty well-known that social media is having a negative impact on our mental health. With our technology usage ramping up, mindfulness about the effects social media can have on our state of mind is becoming more imperative. For many young people, social media has become a very important feature, from Facebook to Youtube to Instagram, and the list is endless with even more upcoming social media platforms.

Social media has a tangible effect on one’s self-image and thoughts. A certain pressure materialises from viewing the seemingly seamless lives of these online celebrities. People end up comparing their lives and are subsequently left feeling inadequate.  Seeing your peers celebrate and live glamorous lives can easily trap you and leave you with FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

Even though social media can be a safe place for those without offline support systems, it is a double-edged sword. You’re always in touch with strangers who are emboldened to say or do anything behind a screen. Cyberbullying and harassment are prevalent, experiencing online antagonism. And with millennials’ connection to technology, it’s not as easy as turning off a device and walking away. The mental and emotional scars from digital harassment are long-lasting.

So it is beneficial to step away from social media once in a while and develop your very own grounded identity away from it. Be happy and content with who and what you are while gradually working on achieving your goals at a desirable pace.

Finally,

It is not easy to stop putting pressure on yourself. You might even be afraid if you relax a bit, things will fall apart or that you will miss out on something. But putting less pressure on yourself can be key to feeling better and living a better life. It might even help you strengthen relationships that you abandon when you are forever working on something. If you’re struggling to let go, consider reaching out for professional help. Talking to a therapist may help you put less pressure on yourself so you can get the most out of life.

The impact of domestic abuse on your business

Understand domestic abuse and the impact it is having on organisations and what innovations and solutions can businesses employ to become active partners in combating domestic Violence!

Domestic abuse or violence is still a worldwide issue with 1 in 3 of women worldwide experiencing it in their lifetime (WHO). Domestic Violence does not only pose negative effect for survivors of violence and their families, but it also causes significant social and economic costs. In some countries, violence against women is estimated to cost countries up to 3.7% of their GDP – more than double what most governments spend on education (WHO).

The current COVID-19 pandemic has led to spikes in rates of violence and abuse across the globe – resulting in an estimated 20% increase in domestic abuse during the crisis and 15 million new cases for every 3 months of lockdown (UNFPA). Stress, loss of income, uncertainty, alcohol withdrawal symptoms, economic hardship and lockdown measures are some of the factors which put people at increased risk during this time.

It might seem strange for businesses and organisations to address something that’s normally associated with the home. However, the issue is more prevalent in the workplace than most managers realize. Even Though domestic violence may occur within the home, it frequently follows the parties involved to their workplaces. This can result in anything from the violent attacks we see on the news, to significant losses in performance and productivity, to dramatic increases in health care costs. Domestic violence robs employees of their dignity and their health, and these issues hide in darkness until they are brought into the light.

What exactly is domestic violence?

Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. (World Bank)

While physical attacks are a common form of abuse, they’re not the only type. Domestic violence may also include any combination of threats, intimidation, verbal and emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. Most abusive relationships include multiple forms of abuse. And while it’s true that some women are abusers, the overwhelming number of cases involve men abusing wives or girlfriends.

There is need for a Nation-wide response to this crisis, with businesses playing a critical role!.

Not only is domestic abuse dreadful and a pressing human rights concern, it is also a business-critical issue with the potential for serious negative impacts to employee wellbeing, productivity, staff turnover, and the bottom line. If left unattended, Domestic violence can cripple a business or organisation. It is therefore, paramount that employers have a duty of care towards their employees, and a unique strategy to safely provide support for someone who might be in a vulnerable and dangerous situation. Amidst this crisis, businesses have to recognize the increased threat posed by domestic abuse as well as the unique challenges of isolation and remote work in order to ensure employees have the support and resources they need to remain safe, healthy and fit for work.

By taking proactive strategic measures, companies can address the impact of domestic violence in the workplace by helping managers and coworkers about the realities and symptoms of domestic violence, the steps to take when they encounter it among employees, as well as how to act on the signs of domestic violence, responding quickly and appropriately with support and assistance, and providing up-to date information about and referrals to specialist services.

In addition to developing a program to help the victims themselves, companies should educate supervisors about the realities and symptoms of domestic violence, as well as the steps to take when they encounter it among employees. Using initiatives like toolbox talks, bulletin board messages, and other steps to educate all employees can help to increase awareness and reduce the stigma encountered by many victims. Placing lists of domestic violence resources in bathrooms and locker rooms can also help in this area. organisations can make arrangements for domestic violence shelters and agencies to send speakers into workplaces as part of their outreach efforts.

Employers have an obligation to take responsibility in ensuring the safest possible workplace for their employees. Just as much as anyone would make sure that all equipment meets safety standards and employees use safe work practices, then you can and should also protect employees from domestic violence!.

Why Eating Together as A Family Is A Spiritual Exercise!

In today’s busy culture, I have come to realise that most families, especially in Africa, do not get together for meals and if at all they do, they do not eat at the table. Well, it could be that we lead very busy lives and come home late when most people have had their meals or that we do not have a set apart area for eating meals. Conversely, some families do have the dinning area but they do not use it for what it is intended for.

Beggining of this year I started my Bible year study plan and to date I have come across so many instances where people ate together at one table. Infact people were encouraged to always share their meals and meal times were filled with so much joy. It was at meal times that people had heart to heart conversations, preached and prayed with one another. One other thing to note is that in those times people preapeared a variety of meals that were rich in essential nutrients. They ate with careful consideration what was important for their bodies.

Acts 2:42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.

ISAIAH 25:6 On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine, of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined.

As creatures made in God’s image, we were created for relationships, both with God and with other people. By God’s design, therefore, genuine relationships are the basis for all human flourishing. We learn in the Bible that sharing a meal together is one of the primary ways relationships are established, deepened, and enjoyed both with God and with others. Think of the covenant meal the elders of Israel enjoyed with God on Mount Sinai. Moses records the spellbinding experience in Exodus 2

Gathering your family around the table means that your focus is on one another. This is a platform that opens up opportunities for heart felt conversations. As a parent, this is a great time to instill important character traits and spiritual truths in the lives of your children. Just as the disciples walked away from that meal with new knowledge of their faith, your children will glean wisdom from your dinner table conversations. If we do not take the time to gather together as a family consistently, setting aside distractions, we miss the opportunity to invest in their lives. We need to deliberatile make time for eating together and it will help our children to learn what we cannot teach them from the back seat of the car. They need that face-to-face time with us!

I also believe eating wholesome meals around the dinner table is an opportunity to grow and mold little hearts and souls. Family meal times should be great tradition that we pass along to our children. Understanding the biblical importance of family meals can help us make dinner a priority. And by making it a priority and planning ahead, we can plan ahead and look forward to dinner as an integral part of our family lives.

It is vital that we teach ourselves to enjoy sharing a meal because of the rich biblical symbolism; because it is a tangible expression of service, love, and unity; and because of the opportunity it affords for true fellowship and genuine community. Practically, sharing a meal nourishes our need to know and be known because it facilitates face-to-face conversation.

Today, we live in a digital world, we share a tremendous amount of information through social media platforms,texts and e-mails, however, because a significant amount of communication is nonverbal, precious little communication actually occurs digitally. Seeing someone’s facial expression, hearing the tone of his voice, and looking into his eyes are all vital elements of real communication. Ideally, sharing a meal would put us face-to-face with real people.

So, in conclusion, I encourage you to extend an invitation to somebody and begin to develop the kind of rich relationships we were designed to enjoy at our tables. Want to come over for dinner?

P.S

Love Amede

How to start over!

It has been quite some time since my last post.

first of all i would like to say Happy new year! 2020 is surely going to be a great year for most people. I personally am optimistic about this year and I am looking forward to great achievements in every area of my life. I Began 2019 with the same mood, which is great, but the truth is that I slacked a lot last year and it left me very weary and wondering how am going to start my new year.

In the last month of the past year I sat down and did a lot of thinking and planning. I needed to pick my self up and get ready to start over. I could not quit, it has never been an option. It should not be an option for you too.

You might still be hang over your past mistakes and and just how much you have failed. That alone can leave you hopeless. It is not too late to start over, it never is!

I am going to share with you a few steppes that will help you start over on any project or dream you have so as to accomplish your goals or vision. So here we go,

  1. Accept the past.  The first thing to do is to accept everything that has happened in the past. It is hard to start over in your life if you’re still holding onto the past. Whether be a relationship, job, family or other situation, you need to accept what has happened. Note that acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean forgiveness or understanding. It just means that you have realized something has happened, you acknowledged it, and you are ready to move on from it. You may feel pain and hurt when life isn’t going in the direction you wanted, but you don’t have to suffer. Suffering is a choice. Nothing last forever, including pain. So acknowledge it, experience it, and move on from it. Don’t center your life around the hurt and the failures; get out of that story and avoid the drama.
  2. Remember that things happen for a reason. the Bible says that “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.  This is not to say that you are powerless and that things are just “fated” to be a certain way. Rather, nothing has meaning besides the meaning you assign to it. It’s up to you to make every event, incident, and moment in your life empowering or dis-empowering. The lessons you are to learn won’t be obvious; you instead have to discover what your life is telling you.
  3. Take stock of your failures and successes. You can’t “quit life”, so instead of getting down when things aren’t work out as planned, ask yourself, “What is or was working in my situation or circumstance?” Write it all down. Keep notes to yourself about your successes, even the small ones. Write every night about something that went well that day. Focusing on the positive helps attract more of it! This is working for me. Think about how you can promote what is or was working for you even more.
  4. Discover your purpose and set goals.  everyone has to have a goal or vision that drives them. living a life that had no vision is living aimlessly. Thinking about the meaning of your life is one of the first major steps toward making big changes. Discover what you are good at, what you enjoy doing, what are you passionate about. Discovering these is key to figuring out what will make you happy and give you a fulfilling life. Once you have determined your general purpose and big life goals, decide specifically how you will reach these goals and then make the needed changes. Set short term goals and long term goals then organize yourself and begin the work!
  5. Prepare for moments of weakness and do not be afraid to ask for help. At times you will feel like your new plan is not working and you will want to revert to your old life. Plan for these moments. if it takes you separating from certain people then do so. This might mean deleting the numbers of people you call or text when you’re down and need validation. When you feel like you have tried everything and there is no change, do not be afraid to reach out to someone and ask for help. You will not know everything, so there will be people who are experts in other areas where you lack. it it not a sign of weakness.
  6. Keep moving. Now with all the above steps you are sure to be in the right track. quit procrastinating and keep pressing towards the mark! it is good to reward yourself every time you accomplish the short term goal. This helps you to stay motivated.

See you at the end!

P.S

Love Amede

Let It Shine

 

Stars are some the most beautiful things that God created in this universe. on a clear night they dress the sky with splendor and when we gaze into the heavens, we see a sky full of glimmering, light-giving stars created by God. In Psalm 147, it says He knows precisely how many stars there are and that He has given each one of them a name. How amazing is that? The attention He has paid to the stars reminds us as His prized possession, just how valued and precious we are to Him. He did not create anything by mistake neither did He create us without a purpose. In fact, God deposited something special and unique in each one of us.

It is said how most people perish before the discover what it is that they are purposed to do in this life. Bright destinies are terminated before they can even begin to shine like the stars up in the sky. Just as much as God has perfectly designed the stars to light up a darkened sky, He has also given every one of us the responsibility and the ability to shine His life-giving light in the darkness. Matthew 5:16 says, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

so, lets see just how we can let our light shine!

  1.  Embrace your God-given task. 

Nobody tells the stars up in the sky how much, where, or when to shine because shining is what stars naturally do. They are definitely fulfilling their purpose. Likewise, in Matthew 5:14-16, we are told that we are the light of the world and to shine before people, “so they can see the good things you do and praise your Father who is in heaven.” For instance, forgiving the unforgivable, loving the unlovable,  and radiating Christlike character are some of the ways to reflect the radiance of our Heavenly Father and show this world how amazing He is. When our love for God compels us to love others the way He wants us to (unconditionally), this world gets the opportunity to see Him in us and be changed by Him. Loving others in one of the things that we are purposed to do in this world.

  1. Shine whether we are in the forefront or the background.

when you look up in the sky you will notice that some stars are brighter that the others. nevertheless, stars do not stop shining just because the other surrounding stars emit a brighter light than them. They continue to shine from wherever their position is in the heavens. Sometimes comparing our progress to other people may make us seem like we are incapable of doing our missions. When we compare the impact of our light to someone else’s impact and become discouraged, we hinder God’s plan in our lives.  Comparing our shine to others is a waste of time since God purposely bestowed different personalities and talents upon each one of us. He created all of us differently so that when we are shining our unique light, the result displays His brilliance. 

  1. Shine even when others ignore, reject, or complain about the light.

At times it is discouraging to be unnoticed when you have put so much effort into something but it is not the attention that comes from people that really matters. How brightly stars shine is not dependent on the reaction of people who view them. If the light they radiate is not noticed or appreciated, stars keep right on shining. when people do not notice you, its not the time to say “i quit” but rather to   continue trying to live a Christ-filled life when it seems like we are having no impact or even a negative impact on others can be difficult. When we are focused on the reaction of people rather than the reward of an obedient life, we are missing what truly matters.  However, if we shift our focus back to God’s opinion of us rather than the world’s and pray for inspiration to continue shining, I believe we will stay motivated to let our light keep right on shining and impact the world. 

So the next time you feel a little discouraged just because other people seem to be achieving more than you, look up to the sky and let the stars inspire you to keep shining. Let it shine!

Love Amede

Lets Start Again!

Welcome to the new year!  I pray it will be a good year for all of us and that we will be able to move closer to our goals with ease. It is pretty much everybody’s norm that when the year starts we take a look into our lives, you know, a little introspection, and we start to analyse everything just to see where we are headed and how we are going to get there. We analyse where we have lacked, what has been our weakness or strength and so on.

So, if you are one of the people who practice this yearly i would like to really clap for you because it shows that you really take yourself seriously and you put an effort into developing yourself. 

It is not always easy to follow through our plans though. At times we carry on just for a few months with all the confidence and strength and then give up in the middle of the year. We tend to get so discouraged and we end up losing hope thereby abandoning the things we set out to do in the beginning.

Lets take a look at some of the things that put us down and kill our zeal. I hope this will help you shape up things for this year! I am excited for you.

  • Procrastination- this has got be the major problem for most people. we just keep delaying and postponing things until we realised time has passed. I know some people work better under pressure but with procrastination no job ends up being done completely. Some people put off tasks because of fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case they are very concerned with what others think of them. So to curb this one needs to first of all be aware that they are procrastinating and practice high level of self control and discipline. 
  • Self doubt- Doubting yourself does not just pop into your head overnight. It is  belief that one entertains long enough for them to actually start thinking its true. it is a mindset issue. It breeds low confidence and makes one to shy away from opportunities. Self doubt can be killed by firstly getting rid of all negative thoughts about oneself. Everybody has the potential to become their very best and to uniquely achieve their goals. invest in books that will teach you how to think positively and get rid of negative mindset.
  •  No planning- We cannot afford to live life haphazardly, life is not a game. When it is said that we should take things one day at a time it was not meant that we should just fold our arms and watch things unfold! We all need to have a plan. This plan can be broken down into quarterly and monthly goals so that it does not overwhelm you. Planning things will helm eliminate distractions and keep you on track of what you do.
  • Announcing plans before they materialise- It is okay to share your most valued information to close family and friends but this has to be done with caution because sometime people may not understand the vision the way you do. People may end up discouraging you or derailing you from your original plan just because you shared the information just a little early. It is advisable that when you have a plan you write it down so it makes sense to you. Then break it down and brainstorm on all the steps you will have to take to reach that goal. Let people in when the real work starts to show. better yet, let your results announce you!
  • Comparison- No two people are entirely the same, not even identical twins. everyone is unique and so are our ideas. Our creativity can distinguish us from the rest of the world, so comparing ourselves to other people is one thing that can slow us down and even kill our motivation to carry on. One man’s failure doe not mean you will also fail. Rather let us use other people’s experiences as learning curves for ourselves. stay focused in what you do and do not let distractions derail you.

There, I hope that was helpful and would like to hear from you. What are the things that have kept you back over the years? Please do share.

Love Amede

 

 

The Homemaking Ministry Part 2

In the last blog post we explored the qualities needed for successfully running a home. Today I thought I should let you in the four key areas that need our attention in this beautiful ministry of homemaking.

It is very easy to neglect some areas in the home since we have very hectic schedules ranging from formal jobs, raising kids, planning for meals and so on. We need to strive for balance in everything that we do. At times we even wake up and carry on with our day forgetting to even ask God for guidance in all we do!

firstly, I would like to say, “we are all capable!”. We all have the capability to do the things that are our responsibility. With deliberate planning and commitment it can be done so well. So, lets get to it! The various areas that need our attention at home.

1. Hospitality

There is so much I have to say about hospitality. In fact, it can be an entire blog post. Hospitality is not Entertaining. Hospitality is not about the spotless home but focusing on the one that walks through the door of your welcoming home.
Real hospitality is when you entirely focus on your guests and welcome someone them.  The person entering your home, if truly seeking connection, is not checking the dust bunnies in your corners, the dishes that might be stacked by the sink and the dirt on your toddler’s face & shirt. People want to be known and cared for. I tell you the truth that hospitality is fearless and freeing once you come to embrace the true meaning of hospitality.

2. Health And Safety

A clean home is a healthy and safe home. keeping your home clean will help you accomplish and maintain a healthy, safe environment for your family members. Everything has to be placed appropriately. I know it can be quite tough when you have toddlers running around the house. its quite a job! It goes beyond this though. Keeping a healthy and safe home also includes preparing healthy food for the family. This is very crucial as since eating habits will either harm your family or help them live longer.

3. Diet

This is one area that most of us find challenging. We are the ones that build the eating habits for our children so we owe it to them to practice healthy eating habits from an early age. Children can eat sweets here and there or snack on junk food, it just dos not have to be a daily thing. It is actually easy for them to follow through when they observe us doing the same. As homemakers we need to determine the kind of foods that are served in our homes as well as educate the rest of the family on healthy eating.

4. Parenting

For families that are blessed with children, parenting may prove to be more challenging than expected if the parents themselves do not agree on a common ground. Both parents have to hold the sword here. parenting is different for every household but there has to be proper communication as to how it will be done. Agree on discipline and how it will be administered. Children can be very manipulative if they sense a division among the parents so do not let them outsmart you!.

There are more areas that need your full attention in your home but i just wanted to focus on these four! It takes continuous learning and hard work for us to run beautiful homes and god does enable us for it all.

P. S

Love Amede

The Homemaking Ministry Part 1

Growing up I had always thought being a wife and caring for a home is very simple that it comes naturally to a woman. So after I got married over five years back I laid back and expected things to just fall in place. That is just how naive I was. Today I know that homemaking is a full time job and that it requires one’s full attention and energy. Homemaking is a ministry for every woman and wife, one that if neglected can ruin the lives of the family members involved.

So, in this blog post I share just how much i learnt about home making and the qualities I had to cultivate to successfully run my home.

I count it a privilege that as a woman I have a  home and family and I know that it is a blessing from God, so I look up to Him daily for strength and wisdom because over the years I have learned that I can not do anything without His help.

Proverbs 24:3-4 says wisdom builds your home, understanding establishes it, and “by knowledge the rooms are filled” with “precious and pleasant riches.” You gain wisdom, understanding, and knowledge by reading and studying the Word of God

A home is more than just the building where you and your family lives. It is also the atmosphere or feeling that your family member carry everywhere. That emotion that makes them to look forward to getting back to the house. God entrusted women with duties of making a home and caring for the family. I believe He has deposited something in women that qualifies the to carry this beautiful responsibility.

Proverbs 31:27 says a godly wife “watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” She’s a dedicated and hardworking woman who tends her garden with care. A modern Christian wife follows in her footsteps. 

How a home is run can either make or break the people in it. This means that it takes deliberate action towards executing everything that will help you to effortlessly run your home. There will be challenges here and there but it will all fall  into place as long as you do things according to how the word of God says. God never fails remember?

Here are a few tips that help me and I believe they will also help you in your Homemaking ministry..

Love what you do

  • Firstly, you need to fall in love with everything that comes as a responsibility for you. Accept the things that you have to do without comparing yourself with another person or your spouse. Fall in love with cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids if that is what you have to do. Once you Love what you do, then you will see that it is now enjoyable when doing it and it will bring joy to you when you accomplish those duties.

Pay attention

  • Paying attention to your home is and family members is a very vital quality. if exercised daily it can save you a lot of time and energy. There are so many distractions around us and most women and wive work full time jobs, but we still have to try our best to focus on the happenings around our homes. Paying attention includes listening without interpreting, showing interest in every conversation or play, noticing the smallest changes in the house or with the kids behavior, being present when your spouse needs your help, knowing where to find things around the house, the list is long, but I supposed you get the idea.

Manage time well

  • Time management is a bit of a challenge especially since most women have jobs. It is still important that we manage our time well and have a schedule for some of the things done in the home. Remember that what we do in the home also contributes to the molding of our children. create time for playing with the kids and create time for your spouse as well and everybody should know just how to respect each other’s time.

Put your foot down, but kill the fun

  • Every family has a set of rules that every member has to abide by. have a set of rules that will help you run the home and do not compromise easily. Let the other members help you with some chores, have the kids sleep at the same time on weekdays for example, anything that works for all of you. the rules have to be respected.

Be Hospitable 

  • Hospitality is very crucial for every woman and wife. A home is supposed to be welcoming to visitors. How you receive and treat  people in your home says a lot about your family.  Its a skill that the whole family needs to lean intensively because children can embarrass you in the presence of visitors so they need to be let in on what exactly they are supposed to do when visitors come in.

Be clean Always

  •  It is said that cleanliness is next to Godliness! A clean home is very attractive and safe but an unkept home is unsafe and emanates negative energy. Learn to keep things in order and get rid of staff that you do not use or need-that is, avoid clutter! teach your children to stay clean as well. 

Be spontaneous and keep learning

  •  There is a lot that is involve in homemaking and it is a personal responsibility for every woman to make time for learning new things all the time. Learn new recipes, new games, home decorations just to mention a few. Stay unpredictable and you will see just how you become the number one mother and wife

Hope these will help you track where you are. there is a lot to it I just can not put it all in one post. Thank you for reading. 

In my next blog post o will write on the different areas that need your attention in the home as a homemaker. look out for it

 

Love Amede

You are Good Enough

In today’s world most people are struggling to find their passion. Because of high rates of unemployment most people take jobs that do not match their passion just so they can put a meal on the table and have a shelter over their heads. People are so misplaced and as a result they are stressed and even depressed because they do not get peace and joy from what they do daily. Many do not just have the motivation to even try to follow their dreams. the world is so full of competition right!

Have you ever been discouraged and thought you were not good enough at doing something that you were talented at?

Most people have quit at trying to be the best that they can because they believe they are not good enough. well the question is;

You are not good enough in comparison to who?

The truth is you will never be as good as anybody simply because you are not them! You can never be good at anything the way other people are. You are unique and no body could ever copy you a hundred percent even if they tried!

Over the past few years I felt so discouraged and did not see the point of me pursuing my dreams. I compared myself to others a lot and felt people would reject what i had to offer. Guess what? After putting a lot of effort into developing myself in the area of my talent I realised that i naturally attract people that need my help and everything just flows effortlessly. It give me pleasure to see the little improvements I make daily.

You might even be thinking no one will take you serious! well those are the thoughts that pull you backwards. Start by believing in who you are and what you want to offer the world! think it and speak it. Live life as if you have already reached your goals. Learn to take small steps daily and see just how much you can accomplish.

Remember, even at your very best, you can never be as good as anyone but yourself!

Love Amede

Be Good At Being YOU!

It is difficult to go through and enjoy life when you do not like yourself. if you have not learnt to accept yourself and get along with yourself then it will not be easy to get along with other people. The Bible repeatedly says to “love your neighbour as yourself.” so you see, you must first be in love with who you are before you can extend the love to someone else.  you can not give what you do not have!

At times we stay rooted in guilt, shame, inferiority, rejection, lack of love, poor physical appearance and so forth. All these affect our self perception and the quality of relationships we have with other people. However, once you have a revelation of God’s unconditional love for you and who you are in God’s eyes then you begin to accept yourself and others, eventually these new roots will produce good fruit, and your relationships will thrive.

Are you having a hard time getting along with people? You might realised just how your difficulty with other people is actually “rooted” in your difficulties with yourself.

 tips that will help you succeed at being yourself

1. Privately confess good things about yourself .

Start the day making good confessions. You can do this while you’re driving to work, taking a walk or cleaning your house. Perhaps you could look in the mirror and say your confessions out loud. You may even try hugging yourself (i know it might sound silly!). This is beneficial for people who have lacked love and acceptance in their lives.

2. Never say or think negative things about yourself, such as, “I never do anything right.” “I’ll never change.” “I’m ugly.” “I look terrible.” “I’m dumb.” “Who could ever love me?”

Proverbs 23: 7 says, …As he thinks in his heart, so is he Mathews 12:37 says, …By your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

In other words, the way we talk and think about ourselves reveals how we feel about ourselves. 

3. Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.

Every one is good at something. Put more energy in developing your skills and potentials and eventually you will win. some people have more limitations but still excel in their fields. I have seen people swim and run without limbs. Some paint and draw while blind. So there is no excuse to failure when we are gifted.

4. Never compare yourself with other people.

God  took his time to create you as you are and he gave you all the qualities that you have! He must love variety or He wouldn’t have created us all differently—even down to our fingerprints. You’ll never truly succeed at being yourself if you are trying to be like someone else. You can see the good in other people and even admire to learn a few things from them but you can not completely duplicate them. it will not be genuine!.

5. Be courageous and different.

Going along with the crowd, when you know in your heart that you ought to be taking a different path, is one reason people don not succeed at being themselves. You won’t like yourself very much if you go against your own convictions. Be a God-pleaser, not a man-pleaser.

8. Keep your flaws in perspective.

Everybody has a weakness, even those who are over confident. Emotionally intelligent people concentrate on their strengths—not their flaws or weaknesses.

Take time to evaluate yourself and see where you could improve. Ultimately invest in developing yourself because It is tough to enjoy life when you don not like yourself. When you learn to succeed at being yourself, you will be well on your way to enjoying life more fully.

P. S

Love Amede

To the beautifuly and wonderfully created Woman!

This is for the woman who soaks her pillow at night. I have been there, I share your pain.

To the woman who have given her all and still doesn’t get anything in return. Your giving will not be in vain. Hold on to hope!

This is for the woman who has lost a loved one. Go on cry and let it all out. Then cherish the beautiful memories you have!

To the woman who has been shunned, rejected and battered! Crawl back to your heavenly father, let him give you peace and rest!

This is for you, bruised woman. You feel like you have crumbled to the floor. Arise! Pick up the pieces and stand tall.

To you forgotten woman! I see you. You are visible and capable. Take charge and make your story known. Let the world see you.

This goes to the woman who just wants to be loved. Love is within you! Let it overflow!

To the woman whose husband doesn’t return home after work! The clock ticks and he is far from home. Take a deep breath and kneel down.

To the woman who feels unfulfilled, the sky is the limit! Explore your options and work hard!

You are your home maker. You are creative oh woman. Look up! There is hope. Let go of the past and move forward! Let love lead

P.S

Love Amede💖

Behind the MASK!

One way or the other most of us are facing fear – We are afraid of being seen for who we truly are. We are Afraid of seeing ourselves for who we really are. We are Afraid of confronting our limiting beliefs, and we avoid facing fear by hiding!

Proverbs 13:7
There is one who pretends to be rich, but has nothing; Another pretends to be poor, but has great wealth.

In the quest to prevent our true inner self from being seen, we wear a symbolic or metaphorical mask over our authentic personality in the hope that we will remain hidden. Behind it there is confusion, fear and loneliness. But we hide this. We don’t want anyone to know it. We panic that our weakness and fear will be exposed.

That is why we sometimes create a mask behind which to hide. An indifferent and sophisticated facade that helps us to pretend. It serves as a shield before a knowing eye. As long as it makes us feel accepted and loved. That we are someone, that we are worthy.

Why do we put on a mask?

Fear and doubt
It is fear and doubt that creates the mask, and fear which keeps it in place. What we miss is that the mask hides our true and most beautiful self from both ourselves and from the world. It prevents us from becoming our best potential.

In order to find our authentic self we must align ourselves with the word of God and face fear by digging down to the deepest, most hidden part of ourselves, that fearful place where we dread what we think is hidden.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

When we dig deeply enough into our hidden nature we find not darkness but light and the realization that our safety lies in actually letting down the mask and being seen in being our true selves.

Are you hiding behind a mask? Would you be surprised if I told you that most people are not being who they truly are and that, in fact, we are trained or influenced by many factors from a very early age to move away from our true selves.

Growing up, we are taught by other people or the society on how to behave, how to think, what to believe and who to be. We are given direct or indirect messages that if we behave in certain ways this and that will happen. That we are not good enough. And that certain behaviors, emotions and ways of thinking are bad. Forever trying to please!

Because of this early conditioning, some people create masks so that they can belong and feel as if they fit in. They want to gain the approval and acceptance of others. Many people fall so fully into living behind their masks that they never have the opportunity to experience the richness of who they really are. Very sad!

I am certainly no exception to the rule. I grew up with so many misleading negative believes and perceptions. This influenced the courses I chose at school, the people I hanged with, the visions I had about my future, the relationships I entered into and so on. This was the role I played so that I would be accepted!

This same problem exists for so many others. I see people every day that are trapped behind a mask that they have created. Many are stuck in bad jobs or relationships and have given up hope that they can ever have the life that they truly want.

Are you worried that this may be you?

-Do you feel like you are living a lie?

-You are persuing a job or are you in a relationship that you know isn’t right for you?

-Have you dealt with depression or anxiety?

-How often do you experience pure joy?

-Do You find yourself jealous or envying others?

If you are familiar with any of these qualities, the good news is that it is YOU who can absolutely break out from behind the mask. You can erase all the false and negative perceptions you have about life and replace them with positive goals and visions. You can uncover God’s promises over your life and live a fulfilled life. Once you begin being true to you, then you will find that you will be able to create the life that you’ve longed for…intentionally!

P.S

Love Amede

Love Amede Quotes #1

Our life is a matter of choices. One a daily basis we make choices, whether simple or complex. The decisions we make today may affect us tomorrow positively or negatively. Therefore great thought has to go into making complex choices about our lives. It is here that one has to put aside pleasing people because we are the ones that hold the pen of our lives.

If you were to choose between turning the pages or closing the book, what will you choose? As for me I will choose to just turn the page. I will not close the book yet, because the moment I close the book it means my journey has ended. It means I have quit. I would rather just turn the pages so that I can still be able to know and experience what the next chapter has for me. Some people may opt to close the book just because something bad happened, and I think it is a huge mistake.

Life has different chapters and one bad chapter does not mean its the end of the book. When one door closes another door of opportunity opens. Yes, you may be experiencing sad and miserable chapters, you may be hurting and losing all hope, but you will not be spending your entire life in that unhappy state. Life goes on. If you will choose to close the book, you will never be able to know the ending. So why close the entire book if you can still turn the pages? We are free to make our choices in life but we need to be very careful in choosing. Some things happen to teach us lessons and to learn from it; not to give us reasons to give up. Have hope and see the light in the future.

Love Amede

How To Deal With a Narcissist

In my previous post we explored the traits of a narcissist, today we learn on how we can deal with such people in our relationships. Living with a narcissistic person can be extremely trying. So, what can you do if you find yourself in a close relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies?

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3:1‭-‬5

The number one step is to recognise the traits either in your spouse or yourself and how you have been responding to it. Perhaps you have been responding to a narcissistic individual aggressively and without patience. Perhaps you have been unloving and withdrawing. This is unlikely to help the situation. Step back and reflect on the situation

Pride is a reason people do not feel they need a savior or forgiveness. Pride tells them they are “good” people or have a “good” heart. Pride also blinds people to their own personal responsibility and accountability for sin. Narcissism (pride) masks sin, whereas the gospel reveals the truth that leads to remorse for sin. Narcissistic traits can be dangerous because, at their worst, they will lead a person to destroy others to satisfy the lust of the flesh (2 Timothy 3:2-8).

Second, stop criticizing and start encouraging solutions. Encourage them to repent and develop a strong relationship with Christ. The further we withdraw from Christ the more we tend to develop negative habits. Labeling in this situation won’t help anything, neither will criticizing them. Instead of criticizing, isolate specific issues you wish to change and enlist your mate in working with you to change them—one at a time. Keep a positive focus, pray for them and use your strengths in solving problems.

Third, attack the problem, not the person. Learn to separate the person from the problem. When we get born again, God does not see sin in us, he sees us as perfect and sin is seperate from us. So, Choose a particular aspect of the narcissistic traits and encourage him/her to work on the problem with you. For example, if you don’t feel heard, ask them to practice listening techniques with you.

Fourth, set healthy boundaries. When the narcissist in your life tries to manipulate what you say, gently stop them and speak in a calm manner. When they attempt to twist your words, gently set a boundary. Speak up so you are both heard and so there is mutuality in your marriage. Do not get angry during discussions as this will only make the situation worse.

Fifth, develop a prayerful life together. Praying together will draw you even more closer and expose the things that feeds the negative behavior. Learn to handle everything with prayer first before you can discuss it. Let the word of God reign in your hearts so as you can easily meditate on it. This will help to deal with the problem from the root. It will restore the thought pattern of the narccisist. The word of God says “as a man thinketh so is he”

Finally, seek professional help. A little bit of narcissism in a marriage can be toxic and emotionally draining. The narcissistic individual is likely to be overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor slights and becoming overly aggressive in response to these slights. Professionals can help you build a safe relationship where issues can be managed and resolved.

Try all these suggested tips and reply back if you find them helpful.

Love Amede

In a relationship with a narcissist?

Its amazing just how much abuse is in relationships these days and it almost or always goes unnoticed just because it is not physical. Yes emotional abuse is very real and is the number one should I say weapon that people use against one another in relationships.

A lot of people have unpleasant personalities whether learnt or generically acquired. Most of this personalities go unnoticed and or not dealt with and such people go into committed relationships. Now you can only imagine the kind of relationships they will lead.

Emotional abuse can leave one very stressed, wounded and down cast. If not dealt with the victim will end up being depleted emotionally, mentally, spiritually and probably financially and then get blamed for it.

One unnoticed and unpleasant personality is NARCISSISTIC Personality Disorder. Not many people are diagnosed many are carriers if I must say. The characteristics of this personality are so obvious and one does not need a microscope to see them in their spouse or anybody they know. Before I talk about these taunting traits I must say I have seen this sickness and have even tasted it. It takes great strength and help from God to help yourself and the people you love ones you discover whether you or your spouse has the “disorder”.

A narcissist’s behavior is characterized by an exagerated feeling of self importance, an excessive need for self admiration and lack of empathy. They are loving, kind and generous until you disagree with them. You will go from being the perfect love of their lives to nothing you dois ever good enough amd you will give out your all but receive less or nothing in return.

Red flags

# They constantly put you down and leave you feeling like you cannot do anything right

# You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect -they play dumb when they are caught

# They blame you for their shortcomings. They focus on your mistakes and ignore their own

# Never admit they are wrong- They are blame shifters, one minute you talk about something they did wrong and 59 minutes they talk about all you have ever done wrong in your life.

# Subjects you to silent treatment. They wait for you to apologies even if you did not do anything wrong

# Avoids emotions and accountability

# Instills doubt and fear in you. They are the master and you the subject.

# Rages if anybody challenges them. When they cannot control you anymore they turn other people against you.

These were just a few examples. Most of which we have experienced one way or the other in our relationships.

Take a close look and check if you or your spouse has the above traits.

In my next blog post I will share on how we can deal with this personality “disorder”. God is able.

Death By Pride

You have brought down kings and brought shame to the queen’s palace. Thrones have been shaken and kingdoms destroyed.

You have seperated the strongest bonds and severed the deepest relations. You are heartless! The mighty cannot escape from you!

For a moment you seem right, you seem true but only poison springs from your wells. You deceive the elect!

You are silent and deadly, you seperate people from their God. Even God resists the ones that entertain you. He cannot be in the same place with you! No!

Your aim is pure destruction, without mercy you scatter the works of love. I have seen your works, I have tasted the bitterness of your friendship, I quit!

Where you pass only Ashes and broken hearts remain. Your sting is stronger than that of a serpent.

What medicine must I take to sooth the pains of your touch? How must I separate myself from you?

By the Sword I will separate myself from you. By the Word that is ever true. I will hold on to humility and I will uphold my maker forever. My heart will I guard forever!

Love will take your place in my heart. It will brake that seemingly strong bond. I will die to myself, yes! and arise in Christ! Grace is sufficient!

Never again will I hold on to vanity! I quit.

………………………………………………………………

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
Proverbs 11:2

An intense preoccupation with the self is an indication of the presence of pride. When everything seems to revolve around you. “ME, MYSELF AND I”.

Pride clouds judgment. It births lies and God resists such people because they feel they do not need anyone and that anyone includes God. For those who feel that they need God in their lives there is humility where they highly esteem God and esteem others as well.

It because of pride that Lucifer lost his place in heaven. Eve also because of pride, ate the forbidden fruit and she and her husband were led away from the garden of Eden. They both fell from grace and there was a separation between them and God.
James 4:6 says that “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

More often we let pride creep in our relationships and our marriages. Love and pride cannot be in one place. The presence of love purely means the absence of pride.

Because of pride one can never find it easy to admit to their wrong let alone apologies. It destroys relationships.
Today, if you will humble yourself before God, He will exalt you. Choose now to humble yourself before the mighty hand of God because there is wisdom in true humility and people tend to gravitate toward humble people. So too does God.

P.S 😍

Love Amede

I Beg To Differ

As much as it appalling to see the pressures that society has on humanity especially the children of God, it is more flabbergasting to see just how easy it is for us to simply conform. The ability for us to defend what we believe in and who we are has plunged to the ground. It has become the norm that we please people around us more than act on the word of God and hold on to its decrees.

The word of God has everything that we would want to know. It covers every erea of our lives from finances, parenting, marriage, work, just to name a few, but more often than not we chose to follow what the masses are doing. We do a Google search more than we open the bible on that issue. We consult a friend and social media and trust their word until we fail miserably then we trace our steps back to the Word. Back to squre one.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

God undeniably knew the dangers here. He had to. He is all knowing. He knew just how being compliant to the desires of the world would be harmful for us. We cannot be in compliance with the world and with God at the same time. We can only serve one master. At any given point you conform to the desires of the world, you are at that time not connected to the word of God.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Matthew 6:24

I have been the biggest victim here. Going places I should not be going even though I knew I might end up doing what I am not supposed to do. Buying some things that I thought I needed at the expense of my tithes just to fit in. Then the devourer would extinguish the little that I have left. This list is extensive. I am sure all of us can put down a few things that we did or are still doing that the word of God has cautioned us against. Knowing the truth is always binding because our conscience will remind us of what is right and whst is wrong . God himself said He can not tempt us with what we can not come out of.

Today is the time to go back to His word- the master plan for our lives. Draw out of it the verdicts for every are of your life. Ask Him for the strength to follow his decrees. He is a present help in times of trouble.

Beg to differ! Do not be ashamed of choosing wisdom. It is profitable to direct. Be the odd one out if means anything. Let God be true and all men liars.

P.S

Love Amede

How I grieved my new born baby

He would be 3 Today! I have not talked publicly about this until today! This day marks his third birthday and I am more at peace today than in the first year of his passing . Time really heals. Nonetheless, I can’t help but imagine how big he would be today and how my life would have been with him around.

March 30th 2015 I lost my precious baby boy, Jediel– the name I never got to call him. It broke my heart to think I had a healthy pregnancy and I lost him due to the carelessness of the nurses at the clinic. I was just left numb and confused. Nothing made sense to me at all. My family and friends were there for me. Church mates were there for me, they encouraged me. For the first weeks and perhaps months, everybody’s words were just bouncing off my ears.

I needed someone to blame. The nurses more than ever yes! But I felt I needed more. A part of me blamed God! The only God I had to run to for comfort. There were so many unanswered questions in my mind I was in a battlefield. I embarked on a journey to find answers in the word of God, I needed to understand what he really says about death, about children dying. I searched for articles on the Internet in order for me to understand more, to know where my baby was. I clang to this for weeks, but it left me even confused because of my approach to it.

Now, because I could not find the answers I wanted I began to withdraw myself from the only thing that could have held me together- God. Only to find comfort in the things that would eventually destroy me. I suffered from panic attacks especially on his first birthday. It was then I realised that I needed to rise. I knew what I had to do. I had to trace myself back to God. The only one who knows more than I do. I went back to His word. This time with an open mind, ready to be comforted by Him. He did not fail me! He never does!

The word of God is true, it is deep and needs understanding when one searches through it. With human understanding one can never unravel its mysteries.

God Himself is mystery. He always makes a way out! He speaks all the time, we just stop listening at times. His love and mercies endures forever!

P.S

Love Amede

ABSENT FATHERS

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)
-Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

It is Gods original plan that a family must consist of a father, a mother and THEIR children. God instituted marriage and wants children to be born in a marital home. A successful home gives rise to a successful community and nation. God is all knowing, and He knew that in this framework of a mother, father and their children, there would definitely be some sort of balance. But, in this era we live in, especially in our country, we find ourselves in sad situations. Today’s generation is literally a fatherless generation. It has become the norm. As such the original framework of a family has been stripped away. It is definitely the devils number one weapon to break the family because in doing so he has managed to break the community and the nation respectively. Women raise children on their own, in fact, most children are born to teenagers who do not have the capability to raise and provide for their children. Moreover, our r women go into marriage with a child or children from previous relationships, they have evolved into playing the role of the father; something that they were not created for. Today’s children lack the bond of a father, the love of a father and the discipline of a father. No wonder our children are so adrift. They grow up to be aimless fathers too.
I must say, I salute fathers out there who have not abandoned their role. Fathers who have fulfilled and honored God’s plan for a family. Those that have soberly carried out their responsibilities as fathers. And secondly I salute the so called step fathers. Men who have taken upon their shoulders, the duty that another man failed. Men who have opened their arms to care for children who are not theirs.
Ephesians 6:4(b) but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Above and beyond providing and protecting, fathers are given a role to discipline and instruct their children. God must have instilled something in them for Him to give them this instruction. So what really then happens to all children who are single handedly raised by their mothers? Children who grow up without the first hand instruction and discipline of their fathers? Single mothers have now become the providers, the caretakers and they also have to do the disciplining. But we have to ask ourselves if it is really effective. I will also add that, there are women out there who have raise well-mannered and responsible children. They have gone to great lengths to train and raise these children well.
Personally I grew up under the care of my mother. She singles handedly raised me and my brothers the best way she could. Unfortunately, the time I decided I want to go on a search for my father he had passed away. I never got to see him, never had a relationship with him. When my mother got married I was over 17 years and I was a teen mom raising a child with her.
At that time, I was clueless how a father is to be handled, how to respect him and how to answer to him. It definitely was strange; his ways were strange. He was the intruder. I guess this is how most children who grew up without a father would feel. And in most cases, no body prepares you for it. You just have to accept it and live on. It is not supposed to be so. As a young woman I had to bring myself to the terms that I also am going to raise a child by myself and be married to a man who is not his biological father. And when I finally got married, my son must have also seen this mans ways as strange. I have seen it here and there. In this situation the discipline of the step father is rejected. There is a missing link, no instant bond. The friction may take a while but eventually things fall into place with patience, prayer and understanding the obstacles can be overcome. And for single mothers who do not end up getting married, it becomes a vicious cycle. They raise children who never get a fatherhood experience. The children also grow up to be clueless fathers. They do not have any training and cannot effectively train their own children!

The proverbs of Solomon are full of encouragement to the son; that they should not despise a fathers rebuke and instruction. Both the natural father and god; our spiritual father. The bible actually states that following the teachings of the Father will prolong our lives. So there is preservation of life for those who follow the instruction of their fathers.
Fathers were also once sons. They have learnt from their fathers and are simply to transfer that knowledge and wisdom to us as children. Proverbs 4:1-27 is one of the powerful heartfelt scriptures that demonstrates a fathers instruction to a son. Note her that son does not necessarily mean the boy child. Son here also include the girl child.

Truly something has to be done. Our Nation is raising unstable leaders. We have to retrace our steps back to God. Back to the way He wanted things to be. I thank God because he gave me a husband who fears him. A husband who was raised by a father that also fears God. Though challenges arise, one way or the other we always find a balance in God.
However, this is not the case with many people. We have surely derailed from the plan of God and He is the only one who can show us the sure way. God can help us save the upcoming generations. The cycle has to break and we have to embrace a way that does not fail. This way is the way of God. God does not fail.

P.S

Love Amede

Grateful for love

Entry #1- expectations Vs Reality

Its almost five years since I got married to my husband. I must say, it has been the most significant time of my life. As I ponder on my experience in this blissful covenant so far, I am more thankful to God for sustaining us and leading us on a daily basis. He really is the third chord in this union. Even though at times we go ahead of Him or derail from His word, He has always been ready to take us back on track upon repentance.

I now have come to appreciate that when I got into this covenant, I had some expectations that have not surfaced even up to today. Expectations about life, expectations about my spouse and about myself as well(some being very unrealistic expectations). Reality struck me in so many areas of my life. I saw myself fail on areas that I had initially thought I would sail though. I got disappointed here and there. I wished I could change somethings about me, and my husband.

The big lesson for me was realising that I could not do anything out of God’s word and still maintain peace. I need his strength every day. He has a plan bigger than my own expectations. He allows certain situations to happen for my own good even though I may not perceive it at that time. He separates me from places and people I do not need. Basically I had to learn to lean on him, to place my burden upon him and let him guide me. I learnt to allow the Word of God to correct and rebuke me. As painful as it is at times, I always rise up in the end.

Now, I am able to see the bigger picture. I count my blessing today on this Valentine’s day. My beautiful family is my pride and joy. Home is where my husband is😍

P.S

Love Amede


Butterflies in the stomach

You know that feeling you get when you ‘love’ somebody and when they come close to you, your stomach just turns upside down and feels like butterflies are flattering in it. Magical! and the feeling is good! However, it is just a feeling. A feeling we get when there is sexual attraction or infatuation between people . The decision to love and be married to someone cannot be based on this feeling only.

What happens when you no longer feel the butterflies? Would you say you do not love the person any longer?
1 Corinthians 13:8 says that love never fails

But feelings do fail, they are unreliable. How we feel about something today may not be the same way we feel after some time. 

When relationships between men and women begin, most of the time there is a lot of chemistry and attraction that is accompanied by the ‘fireworks’. This feeling can be there for months and even years depending on how people relate. However, as time goes and a lot has been said and done, we may find that we do not quite feel the butterflies as often as we used to. We may end up not feeling them at all.

When the magical feeling decrease or stop, we should be able to continue loving our spouse. This is where the love of God in you comes in. When God is the third chord in your relationship, His love will sustain the relationship through tests and trials. His strength will help you go an extra mile.Most relationship are built on the basis of emotions more than on the Love and will of God. This is one of the reasons why some of our marriages crumble!

Take stock of your self and your relationship with your spouse.

 Are u both God filled? 

What holds you together and what constitutes the foundation of your relationship?

I am married to a God loving man. He is so hardworking and devoted to me and our children. His standard of life is very high and sometimes I come short and can not fulfill some things that he expects of me. On the other hand, I also have high expectations and he does fail at times but nonetheless, we have managed to work out our marriage and move past challenges. This is because from the onset we built our relationship upon the rock. The Lord God. I still pray that God continue to bind us together in his love.

My greatest desire is to see marriages that are genuinely God filled. Marriages that will survive the woes of the devil and raise Godly children who will take the church and the nation forward. 

The Order of God

 

What is Love (part 2)

The order of God

Our God is a God of order, 1 Corinthians 14:33. He does not do things haphazardly neither does He do them randomly. When God created the world, He had a plan. In addition, He executed each job on its day for six days. He created the world in an orderly manner.

In the previous post, I discussed about making God and His word the foundation for our relationships. I believe if He is the foundation in our lives then we ought to know and follow his order as well. God does not change and His word is sure.

What is God’s Order in the Home?

  • God
  • Husband
  • Wife
  • Children

1 Corinthians 11:3– But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

 

Ephesians 6:1-4

  1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise ; 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou may live long on the earth. 4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Husbands and parents are to understand that biblical authority does not mean that they are dictatorial or tyrannical in their authority. Everything parents do should be in love. They are to die to themselves in order to do what is best for those under their authority. A husband is to help his wife grow in glory by loving her, leading her and lifting her with encouragement. The husband therefore should be equipped to be the priest of the home.

Ephesians 5:25-28

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.

I must say, it took me a long time to get this sunk into my head. I lacked understanding about submission. I still miss it here and there but I have allowed God to teach me and direct me.

A wife is be loyalty to her husband out of devotion. She is to adapt to the needs of her husband.  Submission has nothing to do with inferiority or superiority. It is an act of faith in God and his word. Regardless of what the other party does or says, the wife is to try her best to fulfill this part.

 

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

 

Once the family is in order then the church will fall in place and the society respectively. Dysfunctional families give rise to a dysfunctional churches and societies. Now let us look at God’s order for the world. God is always at the top of the Hierarchy. He is our creator. All things work well in Him and without Him, we are lost.

  1. God
  2. Marriage
  3. Family
  4. Church (ministry)
  5. Government

This is God’s divine plan. It is simple and plain. Before God ever created the church, He created the family.  Before God ever created the family, He created the marriage.  Before God created anything, He was! Problems arise when we mix up the order of God. The enemy is always at work trying to make us mix it up.  It is so critical for you to understand God’s divine order.  So many people have destroyed their own lives because they did not understand God’s divine order.

At some point in my marriage, I found myself mixing up things. I sold myself out to church activities. It is good to do that do not get me wrong. However, in my case, I did this at the expense of my family and my marriage. I was not listening to what my husband had to say. I made him feel bad for even complaining just because it was church. There has to be a balance in all we do. God gives wisdom and directs our feet. If we have founded our marriages and relationships on him surely following his word would be easy.

 

P.S

Love Amede

 

Founded On LOVE!

What is love? (part 1)

Now there goes one of the most abused words ever. Sometimes underrated and sometimes overrated. We live in a world that is love-sick. so many awful things are done in the name of love. People kill each other and still claim they loved one another. It is sickening to the soul. It is confusing!

One man of God once preached about love and he said something that really stuck to my heart till date. When defining love he said love is a person. It immediately made sense to me. The bible describes God as love. God has a personality and so is love.

1 john 4:8

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Just like God, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. This is the record about love in the bible – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

These are all the qualities that a person with love should portray. For one to be able to extent love it means they should first have it themselves. They should have God.

we cannot give what we do not have. God is the one who can teach us love more than anyone because He is love Himself. We must first believe in Him and accept Him as Lord over our lives. Then as we build a relationship with him, we will learn love as he continues to love us. Truly if we all had God and His kind of love, the world would be a better place. We cannot kill each other if we loved each other with the love of God.

Now imagine the kind of marriages the world would enjoy if they were built on the foundation of love. With God as the third chord. Am not just talking about a trial and error or baseless relationship between us and God. But a genuine heartfelt relationship where we wholeheartedly depend on God and what His word says about us and how we are to relate to one another. Regardless of the situations we would go through, with God in our marriages surely we would overcome and sail through all challenges we come across.

The divorce rate even for Christian couples is very alarming. Some marriage were just founded on the wrong things, it could be material things, money, power, pity you name it.  As long as the foundation of that marriage or relationship is not strong it will crumble.

With God as the third chord in our marriages, we need to follow his order or design for it because He is the one who ordained marriage and has the blue print for it.

NB: I will go in detail about the Order of God in part 2 of this article.

In most cases we lose it the moment we let our relationship with God go down. There will immediately be an opening or chance for the devil to creep in and mislead us. When we disregard the word of God over our lives, we start to regard someone else’ word.  In most cases what the world says. there is so much misleading information circulating in the world about so many thing. Too many opinions. but we cannot rely on such or base our relationships on it. The word of God is the only sure thing we have to use as a  foundation for our marriages and relationships on because it does not change.

Psalms 19:7-8

The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;  The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes 

It is time we trusted the one who created us. Trust Him with our all. He will not lead us astray.

 

P. S

Love Amede

 

 

 

 

First blog post

I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself. My official name is Portia Amede, but you will notice I introduce myself as Love Amede most of the times. I am a young lady from Botswana. I am a Proud wife and mother of three. Growing up, I was raised by a single parent (my mother) together with my brothers.

In today’s world where people are faced with many challenges ranging from marriage, family, business and even personal life problems, I found myself yearning to be an agent of change in whatever way that i can. I find so much fulfilment if helping other people. I advocate for strong family values and relationships because I believe that it helps bring out even more grounded and independent individuals.

My hope is to see the world as a more livable place with better homes, jobs, societies and opportunities for everyone.

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